State of the Nation...

This post is obviously a few days delayed, but I thought last Tuesday's address by the president deserves comment. If you missed it, I will paste a link below to the NY Times full transcript of the speech--you should read it, ALL of it. First of all, BRAVO! I think it was one of his best speeches, appropriately outlining how politicians need to get their head out of their, ahem, hindsides... I loved that he did a throw back to the Kennedy era, a time of hope, a time when we accomplished great things as country by unifying. Ironically, that same day I was showing my godson a youtube video of a shuttle blasting off to the moon. This country did that--we put our resources where they would make the most difference, and obtained fantastic results. It required effort and sacrifice, but nothing good is every accomplished without those two things. And his point that the world has changed was extremely valid and important. Americans by definition are adaptable, hardy people, even if we sometime need a catalyst for change. The recession is our catalyst--life may not be what you want right now, it may be hard, it may be unpleasant. WHAT CAN YOU DO TO MAKE IT BETTER? For yourself AND your community?

Again, another Kennedy throw back: in order to "win tomorrow" what can you do for your country today? President Obama's speech carried this flavor throughout, and I think that is what a true leader does, motivates people to solve collective problems, not necessarily solve all problems for them. He had suggestions for solving problems, too, and they were intriguing. We will see what Congress does with them...I won't go through the entire speech, but I do urge you again to read it. I was going to further discuss the mention of health care reform, and (briefly) tort reform, but that is an entirely different post. Once again, thank you Mr. President for a good speech, and may it help motivate people to think collectively about what really matters.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/26/us/politics/26obama-text.html

Illusion Part Deux

Welcome to a winter wonderland! Having spent three days off the grid in Stagecoach, Colorado, I am now completely relaxed. For this, I have to extend sincere thanks to one of my best friends and the mother of my godson, Kimberly. I can impishly say I didn’t even get out of my jammies and warm fuzzy slippers one day as the sky lay down ten inches of snow. Neither did my godson, and much of the day was spent playing with trains, batman, and blocks. The boy, who hardly sat still, focused his energies on evading a nap and I, at times deceptively, worked on avoiding any viewing of Bob the Builder. We have watched both Madagascar movies, and Kung Fu Panda three times…I don’t know how his mother does it! Seriously though, I wouldn’t trade it for the world! Admittedly, I still have a lot to learn about kids. Directed at Julie: yeah, logic doesn’t work so well with three year olds either… ;)

Before heading up to the Steamboat Springs area, we spent a couple days in surprisingly warm and sunny Denver, the highlight of which for me was Casa Bonita. Casa Bonita is notorious for its substandard Mexican food, but sells itself on its dinner show. It has an elaborate cliff diving pool surrounded by “jungle” and lights, as well as a haunted cave, puppet shows, etc. What makes it special to me is that when I was a kid, my folks would pack me and my sister into our little two door Honda hatchback and make the LONG drive from Lawrence, Kansas, to Sun City, Arizona (God have mercy), to spend the holidays with the grandparents. Along the way, our tradition was to stop in Denver for dinner at Casa Bonita! The same show (and apparently the same food) is now being enjoyed by my little man! Kinda cool…J

Okay, just when you thought you would get off easy, I am going to devote some time to the conversation started in my last post: reality vs. illusion. My friend advocates illusion--this time, let's talk reality. I find it hard to believe that life is just a series of illusions we create for ourselves, if only because what do you call those moments between our created illusions. I am of the belief that there is such a thing as reality, but that it takes courage and strength to live within it. Reality is not an easy thing to face, because it means acknowledging how our perceptions can disagree with the perceptions of those around us. It requires taking responsibility for our actions and how they truly affect others. My friend, a brilliant psychiatrist, says that you can't really affect others unless they choose to be affected. The reality is, you don't know who chooses to be affected by you. You can be under the illusion that no one is affected, or that it doesn't matter, but that is not reality. Ah-ha! See, they are different, reality and illusion...It takes a degree of integrity to acknowledge reality, take it into consideration, and STILL build your own happiness (which assumedly was the goal of your illusion). Living in illusion might be easy but does not seem to take much courage...So, have some cajones, a vote for reality from me...;)

And from Great Falls, Montana, I bid you goodnight...

Life is but a dream, sweetheart...

GeoTagged, [N34.26903, E118.66431]

I have just spent four lovely January days in sunny, WARM, southern California, hanging with family. The economy is tough and stressors are magnified, but these people I love are still amazing and I am happy to see them. My cousin's daughter is a year a half, head full of curly hair, mouth full of teeth, and a wonderful cheesy smile! She is still so tiny, which is nice because I don't feel like she has changed so much since I saw her at Thanksgiving. My three year old godson, however, I haven't seen since July and he has changed tremendously. He gets on the phone and holds a conversation, ending it with "I love you, Auntie Shi Shi!", and I am ready to give him whatever he wants--my car, a kidney, whatever! Something about those kids...they diffuse my self-centered, self-indulging tendencies, AND make me feel secure. Yes, they make me secure, because as long as they exist, hope and innocence and unconditional love exist, and something in the world is right...
Okay, now that is not the main reason for today's posting, for me to go on about how children enrich my life. No, I want to finally put down an ongoing conversation about life's relationship to illusion and reality. This conversation started between myself and a good friend several years ago, and ultimately is the reason for the name of this blog--translates "I only want the truth". I can't remember the exact moment but a bottle of wine was involved and it started along these lines: my friend firmly believes that life is but a series of illusions we create for ourselves to make life tolerable, if not enjoyable. He states that there is no reality, nothing is real, and if it was, we couldn't handle it without losing our minds (enter Jack Nicholson voice "you can't handle the truth!"). Therefore, he believes you have to live in only the moment, not thinking as to how it may relate to other moments because they don't relate, it is just an illusion that they are related...hmmm, chew on that a bit...no, seriously, think about it because I have to end this post and counter it later, otherwise I will miss my plane to Denver to deliver my godson the boat he requested. Safe travels, all...;)

On the road again!

Yay! Hit the road Wednesday after a couple of weeks staying with my folks in Sacramento. Loaded gear in to the A4 Cab (finally sold the S5, thank God), and hit highway 5 going South. It's a beautiful afternoon, no traffic except for the occasional Winnebago. Just have to say, I love Winnebagos. I've never actually been in one, but what it represents in freedom has always excited me. Although this is tempered by it's gas guzzling tendencies, the symbolism remains. Okay, back to the road: rolling green hills on one side, vast flatlands broken up by orchards and aqua ducts on the other. Cattle going about their business. The sun is starting to set and a few stars appear in the twilight. My new tires hum on the road and nothing disturbs the peacefulness...

So where am I going? Another trip to LA, this time to see family. This is really the beginning of relaxation for me. Upcoming proctorships already set up, my own personal downsizing complete (house rented, appliances sold, only one car), planning already to sleep in tomorrow... Several people have asked if I am excited about my plans for New Zealand, and the answer is yes, but I really am not thinking about it. I am actually so excited about the today, the living in the moment, that I am not even thinking about the future. People ask what I am going to do after, and the answer is the same: dunno, we'll see! This is not something I have always done. I was by nature a planner--this will happen at this time, then this, and now I will plan for that. For the first time, I am taking things as they come, and loving how it all works out without my planning a darn thing!

Seriously, I have been having several Alchemist moments. For those of you not familiar with the book by Paulo Coehlo, the protagonist looks for his destiny, his fulfillment of his greatest potential, but shies away from it when he sees how difficult the journey might be. His fears make it hard for him to trust that the path that is truly his will present itself and everything he needs will appear. Finally, his non-destiny path becomes so difficult itself, he has no choice but to follow his dreams. I remember reading that book on my way to Barcelona almost 3 years ago, thinking that a story about faith and magic is so lovely, but not reality... And now, all I can say is change a few characters and you have my story--I have sold all of my sheep and I am getting ready to board the boat to another land, fulfilling my greatest potential.

Don't get me wrong, I sometimes still have doubts. I see all of my physician colleagues working so hard and I feel guilty, as if to really be an MD I have to continue to run that hamster wheel. If a tree falls where no one hears it, did it really fall? Was it ever a tree? If I don't work to the point of exhaustion and negative effect on my health, does that make me less of a doctor? Nope. I still belong to the club, I just don't visit as often. :)

In the name of hope...

Today I learned the identity of the 9 year old killed last week in the Arizona shooting, Christina Green. She was born on 9/11 amidst tragedy, and I know it has been noted already, but died in another senseless tragedy. Reading about her brief life moves me to write this, as she had already used her circumstances to encourage hope and humanity. This 9 year old had dedicated her short life to finding life's beauty, and my heart goes out to her family who will feel her absence everyday. In the interest of filling the emptiness created by her loss for the rest of the world, I want to ask today that we all pick up her banner, that we all look not to the tragedy but to the hope that still exists...Look to others with kindness today, consider how your actions will affect others in every aspect of your life. Think of how you can give, make a difference, bring light and love to those around you. That is where hope lies, that is what Christina Green stood for. That is what we should all stand for... Namaste...

Heaven...

GeoTagged, [N37.76282, E122.39640]

Okay, let's try this again...darn blog already erased itself once this morning!

So, I am in heaven...I am spending the morning in one of my favorite cities in the world, San Francisco, after having dinner last night with an old friend. Great conversation at Beetlenut over small plates and gin gimlets...fantastic! Admittedly my head is pounding this morning and my body is sore from crashing on the couch, but well worth it! Today, my friend is off to work and I am having breakfast from Hazels and coffee from Farleys on Portrero Hill...I'm in heaven...each day into this new year I feel more blessed and more alive, truer to myself, stronger than any force of nature! Maybe those are the workouts talking ;).
Anyway, my friend and I had this great convo on life, etc., that I hope to share, but right now, time to head home, get a medmal policy in place, and do my first proctoring job in LA tomorrow! Life is soooo good! :))

The year of the Nomad

I am so excited, I just don't know where to begin...I have deleted and rewritten this sentence ten times, so I will simply type without putting too much thought into it, God help the reader. Yesterday was the last day of a chapter in my life, as I finished working at a job that has pushed me forward and at the same time held me back for over 5 years. When I finished residency, I moved to California looking for mountains and oceans, taking a job with good salary and good benefits, and also a good amount of responsibility. I bought a house, because real estate had value then (big mistake, it was 2005 folks) and that's what you were supposed to do after you finished training--you settle down. I thought of developing a career and having a family, joining the society I didn't have time for when I was a resident. Over the next 5 years, I learned a few things about myself, however: I still didn't have time working at this pace, and I wasn't ready to settle down especially not here. Add that to the fact that the kind of "mate" I was looking for, wasn't the kind of person who would settle here as a single person. So why was I here? Well, did I mention the good salary? And the support system among my peers, the need to complete my boards, and honestly, my desire to not let anyone down, especially my partners. Then why would I leave? Well, decreased reimbursement, stress, anxiety, perceived lack of appreciation, and the isolation that a stressful, time consuming job can cause. Hate to say it, but I don't think I am the only physician who feels this way, and this is going to have a profound effect on the health care system in the next decade as physicians retire early, or do what I did--get the hell out! I realized that if I stayed, I would never feel a sense of balance or fulfillment. My health would suffer, my personal growth would stagnate, and in another 5 years I would look back with regret. Sooooo, I quit my job, paid the price for my freedom, sweet freedom, and I am outta here! Off to explore the world, other healthcare systems, other cultures, myself... Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained...

As an aside, I have to say that if you ever need an ego boost, leave your current home. I have never had such an outpouring of love, not to mention cake, from my friends, my patients, my colleagues at the hospital, the wonderful nurses and medical assistants that I have had a chance to work with over the last 5 years. I am so thankful to be blessed with these people in my life!

My best to all for a truly monumental new year! Watch out world, here I come...